Know Him, not you

I fell in love with a lot of beautiful girls since I was a little, I mean, I have a crush with them. Most of the girls that I fell in love with already had a boyfriend. Even I got bullied when I was in ninth grade in school because I send a love message through SMS to her which led to a disaster in my life. I was bullied for a few years until I enter senior high school. Above bad happens that happen in my life, Jesus want to teach me something precious. I must the know the love of Christ first, receive His love first before I love others. I cannot love or help others before I receive and accept His love first. Like I said before, I don’t have a future. I don’t finish school, I don’t have any bachelor degrees, I am jobless, and I don’t have money. All money that I have is all from my mother and father which means I am not independent enough to live my own life, I’m still a dependent person. But one thing I know, I must receive and accept His love and forgiveness before I helping others. I cannot help others when I don’t help myself which is I can’t. I need to change myself by receiving his love first, just always and keep focusing on his love, how He died and suffers on the cross, tortured, and killed. How He raise and live forever just for me, not for my success, not for getting a bachelor degree, but just for saving my life from death. Jesus always said that He desire mercy not sacrifice which means I cannot even sacrifice my life for others If I still hate and not forgiving my enemies. I need to receive His love and forgiveness first every millisecond. I have to change myself which I can’t by receiving His love. I cannot love my wife when I’m still hate my enemies from school or work. I need to receive His love first, how He suffered, tortured, killed, bleeding, and then raise up to heaven again. He needs me more than anything. He loves me more than anything, more than my success, my money, my educational degree. Just like I said, maybe I don’t have a future, I don’t finish my school, I don’t have any bachelor degree, I don’t have any job, I don’t have a money, but above all I have my Savior who holds my future, who holds me. I am His and He is mine. I am stupid but He is far from genius. I am evil but He is my Lord and forgives you every time.